The Morn’s First Blush, Tight Pants, Power Ballads, and the Aesthetics of Symmetrically Stacked Blocks

QIC:  Gusher

Date: 02/09/2021

PAX: A-A-Ron, Booger, Burrito, Coney, Friday, Holy Kiss, Jenny Craig, Joanna, Laces Out (Respect), Mansiere, Pomade, Pound Dog, Prosciutto,  Recycle, Red Raider,  Shank, Snow Patrol, Truck Stop

AO: Smackdown


The gloom welcomed 19 PAX with what some would describe as, “ideal conditions.” Smackdown men are notorious for many things, one of which is the readiness with which they describe atmospheric conditions in broad categories ranging from ‘less than ideal,’ ‘ideal,’ and the almost hallowed sacrosanct rare ‘more than ideal.’ ‘More than ideal’ is a distant cousin of ‘infamous.’ Something that, according to the OG Tres Amigo Ned Niederlander, is so famous that it is in famous. More than ideal conditions is a condition, which is so ideal, a HIM is utterly confounded in the presence of such ideality. A weather so perfect there is not a greater or more perfect weather that could be imagined. We can thank the medieval meteorologist, Anselm, for this ontological proof of supreme weather. However, today was not that day. Conditions were just ideal. Mediocre one might say. And mediocrity is the unsung hero of humanity. “What does ideal weather look like?” you ask. “Well, I don’t really know, as one cannot look upon weather and see its substance.” “Ah, yes, for shame for shame, what I meant was, what does ideal weather feel like?” you correct yourself freshly grasping the importance of verb precision. “Now, you are on to something. Weather we may not see, but it is that which we feel. And if Smackdown is notorious for describing weather in broad categories, it is more notorious for describing and sharing its feelings with remarkable male precision.” The weather both registered and felt like 45 degrees. Forty-five, that mid-range number divisible by three whereby a man can wear tight pants and move comfortably around the gloom, while another man (and by another man we mean Recycle) can wear shorts and cowboy boots and retain stud status in untroubled delight. The wind whispered and the willows wept; the birds sang the blessed song of the semicolon. All was ideal in the world where these men were 1,703 ft closer to the stars in the sky. Ideal indeed.

Look at the condition of these beautifully stacked blocks by Smackdown’s very own legends, Recycle and Hambone (Respect).


A Short Lap around a Short Track, SSH (IC), Forward Fold on Burrito’s Moanful Count, Willy Mays Hays (IC), SSH (IC)

Farmer Carries and a Hi-Ho, the Derry-O

Everyone grabs a block and chooses a partner, which is much less awkward than grabbing a partner and choosing a block. Ask YHC’s partner how he knows. Verb precision is the lesson of the day.
Partner Farmer Carries
Begin at Goal Line where one PAX performs two exercises in a repeated fashion. This is similar to someone’s two song playlist on shuffle and repeat. Partner farmer carries two blocks to the 50 yard line where an exercise is performed with one block and farmer carries back to goal line and switches. Total of 3 Rounds, three sets each.

Round 1: Goal Line Exercises – 20 Merkins/20 LBCs while partner farmer carries to 50yrd line and performs 25 curls and returns. Three trips each.

Round 2: Goal Line Exercises – 25 Plank Jacks with Posterior Down/25BBSUs while partner farmer carries to 50yrd line and performs 20 Block Swings and returns. Three trips each.

Round 3: Goal Line Exercises – 20 Squats/20 Leg-Ups while partner farmer carries to 50yrd line and performs 20 bent over rows and returns. Three Trips each.


Just a little thought from Proverbs. Proverbs provides us a manual for wisdom, which is the skill or ability to live in God’s world according to God’s way. The book spends a significant amount of time on the use of words and the power of the tongue. Words can harm, divide, they have the power of life and death, they can build up, they can tear down, they can fill a person up or expose a person to be what they truly are;;;; words can spread like wild fire, they can communicate truth, or words can deceive;;;;;;; they can be gentle or harsh, rashly spoken, or timely and aptly given. According to one study the average amount of words is around 15 to 16,000 per day. I’m not sure about that. But statistics are neat. Proverbs 17:27 says, The one who has knowledge uses words with restraint, and whoever has understanding is even-tempered.  Just a reminder that one aspect of wisdom and being leaders in the spheres we are placed is to be even-tempered, not rash or hot spirited, and this will be reflected in our use of words. A calm word can deescalate a situation, and an even tempered spirit and restrained words can be powerful. So I just want to encourage us all to use our words well, and seek to respond to distressing and frustrating circumstances with restraint. It is easy to be harshest with those we love the most. May our words be used for good.


There is something magical about the mystique of the 1980s power ballad. A ditty as it were, with both power and sentimental melodic charm. Few capture the complex charisma and glamour;;;;;;nay, I dare say, the sine qua non, of the power ballad, more than our very own Burrito. Sure, he may have 734 backblasts in the queue from the last six months, but that is easily and happily overlooked when he belts out ‘Everything I do, I do it for you’ while staring more deeply than a properly formed sumo squat into another PAX’s eyes. What compels a man (and by man, I mean lead singer of 80s hair band) in tiger print spandex to sing ‘#1 Bad Boy’ in one breath and then serenade a decade of roller skaters with cropped mid-riff exposing t-shirts in the next with the botanical reminder that “Every Rose Has Its Thorn?” We get it, roses have thorns, dusks have dawns, and cowboys have their sad, sad songs. These are the mysteries of life that one just has to sigh and let go. A man will drive himself mad. And if you are feeling on the verge of madness, then F3 is for you. If you wear cut off jeans and cropped t-shirts, then FIA may be for you. We don’t judge. There is a risk, however, to surrounding oneself with others with a Power Ballad and an 80/90s Soundtrack playlist at 5:30 in the morning. Sure, Rocky IV inspires, but how will John Parr, that man in motion with a pair of wheels, come across when he tells you about where your future is lyin’? What if there really is a fire in St. Elmo? This has a bit of a trigger for folks who may have family and friends living in St. Elmo. That is a lot of pressure to be put into when you are responsible for carrying blocks a total of 100 yards. You have a partner repeatedly performing impeccable formed motions on any given exercise with specific instructions to continue doing those aforementioned exercises until you return with two coupons. F3 exists to release the pressures of life with male fellowship. Maybe Soundgarden is better for this time of day? This must be left to you. YHC is just asking the questions. Smackdown/Convoy PAX loves their sportsball movies and sportsing. General consensus from a few months ago, if YHC recalls accurately suggests that Air Bud might be the best cinematic representation of sports, of the canine variety;;;;more than something like, say, Hoosiers, which is remarkably predictable. When there are four different camera angles of one jump shot there is a 96% Pfizer/Moderna level chance of that shot going in the orange cylinder. Interestingly and refreshingly, no one really has strong opinions. If you like discussions to be intellectually stimulating and not emotionally disruptive, then F3 is for you. 38% of Rocky IV is a montage. Rocky IV soundtrack pilfered its own Rocky II soundtrack for songs. 38% montage, 2% creativity. Like skim milk. Does anyone really go to the store thinking, “I’d love some milk, but water it down to say, hmmm, to a 98% reduction and maybe just 2% milk retention?” Again, just asking the questions. However, Rocky IV did end the Cold War, so we accept it and Smackdown honors it weekly. Speaking of weekly, it is valentine’s week so the expressions of love were endless. And by endless, YHC means 6:15am when official activities are over for the day. If you want the most difficult part of your day over by 6:15am, then F3 is for you. This is not a cult, but the need to join for the sake of your own well-being is off the charts. That means that if one were to make a chart with ‘poor well-being’ represented in the lower left corner of the chart paper and ‘more than ideal well-being’ represented by the upper right corner of the chart paper, F3 would be above that, literally off the chart paper. F3 is unquantifiable. F3 has all the intangibles. It has 3 F’s and intangibles. YHC would like to publicly thank Burrito for the inspiration for today’s playlist. I can’t speak for other HIM of Smackdown, but without you we would have been smelling like teen spirit and raging like rats in a cage. Because of you, we were able to farmer carry coupons a total of 900 yards like men in shining armor from along time ago, all and only for the glory of love. We thank you.


Forearms were burning so no one remembers if there was any news.

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