A Herd of Turtles Stampeding through Peanut Butter

QIC:  Burrito

Date: 12/03/2019

PAX: Friar Tuck, Blind Side, Kickback, Holy Kiss, Prosciutto, Whittler, Milk Man, (Anal) Fissure, Gecko, Gusher, Pomade, Laces Out, Sidekick (Money Ball — in spirit)

AO: Smackdown


Let’s just say no one volunteered to stick their tongue to the flag pole.


1. 400-Yard Warm-Up Mosey Around the Track

2. Willie Mays Hayes (x12) “I hit like Mays, and I run like Hayes.”

3. SSH x21 (Q led in cadence for first 5, then silence until 21). If we all stop in cadence, no penalty (we did it on first try!)

4. Nick Saban (10-count) (bend forward and hold your ankles). Also could be called the Andy Dusfresne.

The Thang

Rocky Relay of Pain

  • Divide into teams of 3. Two team members at one goalpost, other at the opposite goalpost. Goal is to run 15 120-yard sprints, totaling one mile.
  • One man does exercises (alternating between coupon curls and coupon squats) at one end of field, second man runs the 120-yard dash, then tags the third, who has been doing exercises at the other end of the field (alternating between Merkins and LBCs).
  • Each man runs 15 sprints, with an exercise between each, alternating ends of the field.

Crappy Partner Exercises

  • Next, partner exercises: (1) 50-yard wheelbarrow, switching off at the halfway point.
  • Then, 50-yard crab walk back.

In retrospect, this was horrific. HORRIFIC. 50 yards is forever for both of these exercises.

Ab Circle

  • Finished with 5-6 minutes of ab exercises (PAX choice x 1 minute/20 reps), then mosey back to the flag.

A few thoughts:

(1) being Q is awesome (and 10x harder than I thought it would be). I can’t wait to do it again, and make everyone miserable.

(2) Bluetooth speakers are for the birds — my Rocky music fell a bit flat. We listened to a lot of YouTube ads while doing curls.

(3) Whittler is my best frenemy.

(4) Prosciutto likes to be touched — a lot. Like, everyone should hug him every time they see him henceforth.

(5) Big shout out to those who drove up to God’s Country from Peonville to partake (Milk Man, Friar Tuck, Anal Fissure, Sidekick, Blind Side — I hope I didn’t leave anyone out).

(6) Fissure is really fast. The white Usain Bolt.


Who would have ever thought? My first F3 (over a year ago) was a disaster. These guys were total freaks. I wanted no part of the cult. I kept expecting David Koresh to appear and hand me a Solo cup. My aim for the next six months was to troll all living F3 frat boys.

But then, I went back. Why? I’m still not sure, but I did (Side note — Prosciutto confessed he hoped I never came back, because my negativity would kill the positive vibe). Hahahahahahahahaha! Now, I can’t get enough. I’m thankful for F3 — it’s improved my faith, my marriage, not to mention my rockin’ bod.


Blind Side is from Mississippi. He’s not used to cold weather, so he dresses like Ralphie’s little brother in A Christmas Story.

Gecko — huge improvement from last week’s FNG appearance to today.

Friar Tuck — way to hang, Clydesdale. The man never gives up; proud of your effort today.

Whittler, congratulations. You now have made my top 10 list of favorite general surgeons in Chattanooga.

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