This One Time at Band Camp….from Hell

QIC:  Bandcamp

Date: 07/22/2020

PAX: Goose, Chief, Rodeo, Burrito, Recycle, Moneyball, Mr. Met, Pebbles, Skitch, Care Bear, Iron Butt [Respect, Respect], Xena, Chum, Hambone [Respect], Ohms

AO: Lion’s Den


Dark, warm and humid. Perfect for waking up the neighbors with poorly arranged pop tunes played by incapable musicians.


I started the morning off with an introduction by the master musician (myself) marching while playing a musical instrument. A worthy demonstration in my tube socks, sunglasses, marching band shirt, and sun-screened nose (just in case). I looked ridiculous, but it was a sacrifice the PAX was willing to make.


Really annoying marching band music I found on Spotify. Had to set the mood just right.


15 SSH’s in cadence

Overhead arm pull (10 seconds each arm)

14 Michael Phelps

Willy Mays Haze (5 each leg, 10 total)

10 second Quad stretch

The Thang

1. So your parents made you join band to make friends, eh? Time to learn to march!

PAX makes a circle, everyone faces to the right

  • Lunges for 30 seconds in a circle
  • PAX faces left
  • Squat jumps for 30 seconds (height is goal vs distance)
  • PAX faces right
  • High knees for 30 seconds
  • PAX faces left
  • Butt kickers for 30 seconds

Rinse and repeat 3 times

2. Great! You know how to march! Time to pick your instrument…

PAX separated into 4 groups

Station 1 brass/trombone

If you like eating a lot of food, this is for you! Gotta get those trombone slides perfect…Pick up your block and perform the following, single rep each for 1 complete rep

  • Shoulder press
  • Arm extension
  • Standing row (straight back)

Complete at least 10 full reps (slowly)

Once you have completed 3 rounds (30 reps), drop your brick, mosey around the parking lot and proceed to the middle circle…

Station 2 woodwinds

If you like to lick things, this just might be the instrument group for you! Our horn flashes need to be snappy, play high and proud!

  • 10 Block swings from between legs up to chest height (straight back)
  • Slow American hammers (with block—be careful), 10 reps each side
  • 10 Block pushups

Once you have completed 3 rounds, drop your brick, mosey around the parking lot and proceed to the middle circle…

Station 3 percussion

This is where the losers hang out, feel free to beat stuff with a stick. Let’s get you playing…

  • 10 fast cymbal crashes (clappers), hold arms extended 20 seconds, 10 more fast cymbal crashes
  • See how long you can hold those cymbals off the ground! Hold merican position, alternate lifting each hand off the ground for 5 seconds, focusing on core form. 5 reps each hand (10 total)
  • Curl with your snare drum! 10 arm curls with blocks

Once you have completed 3 rounds, drop your brick, mosey around the parking lot and proceed to the middle circle…

Station 4 color guard

Questionable life decisions have led up to this point, but at least you get to hold a rifle…it’s fake but you don’t tell people that. Instead you’re hanging out with girls who couldn’t make the cheerleading team. Bring out those colors, girls!

  • Rotate those flags! Hold squat position and carefully rotate block with arms extended in front of you, 10 seconds
  • Get those glutes ready for spandex pants! 10 Plank jacks
  • Suck in your gut, we’re supposed to be the pretty part of band! 10 Freddy Mercury’s (each side)

Once you have completed 3 rounds, drop your brick, mosey a lap around the parking lot and proceed to the middle…

Once in the middle

You’re already done trying out that instrument group? You must not have liked it. Maybe you can be a band groupie!

Alternate the following (your choice of starting exercise):

  • Lift the band equipment into the truck! 5 low half curls, 5 high half curls, 5 full curls
  • Get in the truck and pull the cases above you! Legs extended toe touch oblique sit-ups (5 each leg)
  • Don’t just stand there…do something! 5 burpees OR double count SSH’s if you’re exhausted

Continue these three exercises until the 6 is in (from all groups). When everyone is in, each group rotates to the next station. Make sure to grab your appropriate block from your prior station.

Once PAX completes one round of each group, they stay in a circle.

3. You notice a girl from the other side of camp. She may not be everyone’s squeeze, but besides her bifocal glasses, orthodontic headgear, and Princess Leigh hair buns, you think she’s pretty cute. That night, you have the weirdest dream…

PAX gathers in a circle, everyone gets into the low plank position.

The Wet Dream

  • start in plank position
  • 2 pickle pounders
  • Rotate to right onto your 6
  • 2 pickle pointers
  • Rotate to left into plank

This is done in cadence (15 count total). The rotations are alternated after each rep to work each side equally. We could only complete 3 reps because PAX was laughing too much.

4. The guys from tennis camp stole our equipment, we have to chase them down!

All of PAX lines up at bottom of hill

Jail Break to 5th light pole, mosey back in victory


1 Corinthians 13 says we put childish things away as we grow older. We stop drinking milk and start eating meat. This is a call to learn what you believe, and it’s also a call to live what you learn.


Shout out to Mr. Clean for printing the exercises for each station. It would’ve been way too hard for PAX to do that while wearing the appropriate protection (on their hands). Oh and thanks to Moneyball for being the “always ready AOQ” with some tape. Now we are all entitled to say “this one time at band camp”…


Lots of fun convergence events and VQ’s coming up all around Chattanooga AO’s in the next few weeks. Don’t be a sissy, get out there!!

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