Phil Collins Day – A day which will live in infamy [tribute]

QIC:  Prosciutto

Date: 08/19/2022

PAX: Bernie, FNG-Headgear, Full Moon, Hurt Locker, Love Boat, Manscaper, Mr. Burns, Ricki Lake, Quackers (Respect), Roundup, Term Limit, Toe Jelly, Tube Squeeze, Uncle Joe, Weblow, Woodrider, WuzntMe, Zoosk

AO: Hacksaw


To start, the weather… which was spectacular; mid/high 60’s and a large volume of floating precipitation (some call it relative humidity, but what is that even, really?). When I’m in the mood to have a bit of fun, I think about RELATIVE part of relative humidity. Take this example. On occasion, you may be asked

“How are you?” or in Soddy-Daisy, they say, “How yins bin gettin along?”… to which, your relative humidity response is, “Relatively speaking, sir/madam/it/they, we are 70%. AveryLouise-ElizabethGrace just had a tooth pulled by an orthodontist we named this morning ‘Headgear’. Our youngest, SterlinJoe MapleGlaze has really taken a liking to fishing this summer. So, relatively good”.

— Or, how about this’n…

Let’s say I need to buy a set of tires and am looking to see what it’d cost me for my 2003 ‘Champagne’ (Desert Sand) Honda Accord (real nice) …. the Soddy-Daisy inquiry goes like this,

“2003 Hyundai, you sed? When you fixin’ to grow a set and buy a truck with real man attitude and knob’d tar’s, wussy boy? You even go by a boy, anyways? Not with that stupid sensible family sedan. Grow a set ‘nden come see me. Y’aint wastin’ my time no more. Also, humidity ain’t kin to no’one, what’s all that relative booshit?!”

Relative Humidity would say: “That response seems to be 80% fair, 40% inaccurate and 11% laced with American badass. By the way, I drive a Honda, not a Hyundai.”

I digress, this is supposed to be about the conditions; but the reader can obviously … err, how do I put this… Relate.

YHC had anticipated rain, but alas The Steve was incorrect in its position last night, promising 60% chance of it. A big fat zero amount of precip this morning made Prosciutto 99% unhappy. YHC must’ve learned the nursery song wrong, “Rain rain come today, come back again everyday. Make our day great okay, rain rain come today.” Happiness doesn’t look to tomorrow, though, right? OOH! WAIT UNTIL THE END!

Aside from the weather and “conditions” report. Can we talk about the sound of the traffic over dey? Seriously, I’m hoarse from over-projection in cadence and instruction. They’s too many houses up-in the Collegedale city limits. That, or Collegedale parkway is too convenient for the rural folks (who talk like the Soddy’s). It’s gotta stop.

The grass where we laid / flopped around / sometimes just had conversation while laying around, seemed to be recently trimmed which was just great because gobs of grass down your Fabletics go nowhere but straight to one’s arsehole; couple that with the relative… ahh, you get it. That’s a gift that keeps on giving, if you ask me. But you didn’t. You want to know what we worked on? Guess what, it’s coming. And it wasn’t our feelings. Maybe, perhaps, our relative feelings?

Foot hydration score was relatively 65 out of a total possible 99. You see, the relative scale doesn’t allow for such upper boundary readings (or lower for that matter), so you can remove the 100 and the 0 from any relative scale. They’re far-too exact. This relative stuff is just as inexact as it is inaccurate.


1/2 mile jaunt to and around the flags, then some stretching, mid-wife noises, SSHs, 3rd Grade Exercises, WMHs, discussion on tappy-taps (wtf?), YELLING CADENCE BECAUSE OF THE TRAFFIC — CAN YOU EVEN READ THIS, IT’S SO LOUD?!

The Thang

Must say — was thinking this one up for a few weeks since I know the Hacksaw faithful are a demanding bunch of athletic prestige.

Like LA Gear commercials used to say, “If you don’t come strong, you don’t come at all.”
4 bang ladder
Ladder to 11, like any old ladder routine, but with a pack of four exercises and a surprise on the other end. 1 and 10, 2 and 9, 3 and 8, 4 and 7… and so on.

1 – HR Merkin, SSH, Bonnie Blair, X-Factors
-run to the far cone-
10 SSH and 1 Blockee (yes, just one, Zima; it’s okay this way)

Repeat until flip flopped

4 Jail breaks in between at YHC call


James Oppenheimer wrote:
“The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance, the wise man grows happiness under his feet.

Today, you have today. Tomorrow is tomorrow. Save tomorrow’s worries for tomorrow — don’t miss out on your chance of happiness today. For today, every second, every moment today you have the choice to choose happy. Grow your happiness today (now) and happiness in the distance will find you; rain or no rain. Compound it like inflation and spread it like butter.


On this day in 2022, Prosciutto’s Phil Collins Day Q goes on record as the greatest day in Hacksaw AO history

Them: “This is the greatest workout we’ve ever had at Hacksaw”
Me: “I know. Relatively speaking.”

Even though I had to endure a one-way 26 mile drive to your land of disenchantment, I did enjoy my time. Missed a few friendly faces which would have widened my scope to yell more loudly, but I’d do that for y’all if it ever came to it. But, I’m just not sorry enough that you missed what some say was the greatest event in Hacksaw’s history. Second only to my last Q here by a few relative degrees. Most of you missed that, too. ::peace-sign::


Iron Pax “Challenge”, Chubby’s ongoing efforts, Chinese Metal Rock concert October 2nd (see Full Moon for details)

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