Jean Girard’s Bweuerpee’s

QIC:  Prosciutto

Date: 03/07/2024

PAX: Blow Pop, Catfish, Doula, Gambler, Happy Meal, Hen House, Manscaper, Old School, Pomade, Shogun, The Count, Woodrider

AO: Smackdown


We showed up and FiA was already there (!!!) gross.

YHC thought that Manscaper had brought his gaggle of hens with him. Then Hen House showed up and everyone was befuddled. Here, everyone showed up for Prosciutto the cock commander, but then Manscaper and Hen House brought the estrogen.

The workout was going to happen anyway as we F3 men asserted our position on the track and took over. Shogun was there he can tell you all about it. It was nice to have The Count and Woodrider as some weary travelers from a far off place in our region. A short discourse on staying safe on slippery ground and we were off like a shot.

The rest of the workout was mostly french speaking, as such, the thang is poorly translated by AI (maybe? …. I don’t know – I only speak Freedom, Fascism, and Democracy; one of these is not like the other)


Tour de course en file indienne x2 et étirements, ou autre chose selon vos préférences.

The Thang

Après la séance d’échauffement, nous sommes directement passés à la partie principale.

3’s and 7’s

EOMOM (chaque minute, une minute sur deux) – Trois “bwuerpee’s”

Avec un partenaire, réalisez des séries de 7 jusqu’à ce que ce soit le tour de votre groupe de parcourir la piste sur toute sa longueur.

  • Squat sur bloc / Squat en chute libre
  • Row penché en avant / Pression sur bloc
  • Grimpeur de montagne / Fessiers de singe
  • Curls / Pompes
  • Relevé de jambes / Situps de gros mec
  • John McCain / Soulevé de jambes tendues
  • Répétez une fois que vous avez terminé cela une fois.


This past week I lost a friend to heart attack who I had spoken to F3 about but never encouraged or followed-up to actually make sure he’d make it to a workout. I will always wonder if it would have made a difference. Don’t wait and don’t shy away from sending that text or making that connection to encourage someone to join us.

You never know — you just never know — how it might help or change the course of someone’s life.


Burpee’s are more fun to say like Jean Girard from Talledega Nights


4th F upcoming, Chubby’s Homeless Ministry, Mountain Second F every Friday aka “Frothy Friday’s at Pruitts”

Recent Backblasts

    The Tom Emanski of Q School


    QIC: Prosciutto

    Assistant to the QIC: Burrito

    Date: 08/17/2023

    PAX: Blow Pop, Wake, Wax On, Mox, Catfish, Old School, Ghislaine, Gambler, Bigg Tyme, Hen House, Burrito, Pomade, Pediasure, Tootsie Roll, Happy Meal

    AO: Smackdown


    Wet with grass trimmings everywhere. EVERY. WHERE.

    We’re near Fall, but it’s August, so it feels backwards. Meaning, it was 61 degrees with some real August energy; the humidity sitting tight at 69,000%. Which is mostly wet, but mostly nice.

    As with most things tracked through “the Steve” these days, here to report that the Foot Saturation Index was strong to quite strong, but no one complained about it. A great group of men here today. Trench Foot from wet grass clippings is a thing.

    We discussed the specifics of the Q, responsibilities and purpose of his role and how to structure the workout. The format of cadence and why we do it the way we do.

    The reasons are several: keeping the team together, exuding a presence or command of authority, provides a rhythm to pace with one another, cadence/direction helps the pax to fight through the pain of the exercise with the mind working separately from the body, not knowing the total rep count takes away any thought-process the pax may have from budgeting his physical resources at the time, a distinctive start and stop.

    Finally, the disclaimer was mentioned. The disclaimer is delivered ahead of the work being done. Make sure to hit the high points:

    1. I am not a professional
    2. You know your own abilities; stay within them
    3. Check your surroundings and pay attention
    4. This is a free men’s workout group, you are here (heavy presumption) voluntarily and not by some sort of authoritative force or decree


    Willie Mays Hays, Side Straddle Hop, Forward Fold, Quad Stretches, Yoga Poses, Controlled breathing, Warm-up lap

    The Thang

    Simple Four Station Workout

    Four cones are set out, Pax start at the first cone all with a block of their own.

    Cone 1: Perform all with coupon: 10 blockees, 10 Squats, 10 Dead Lifts

    Upon completion of first cone work, plank and hold for six

    Move to Cone 2 – pax transport half the number of blocks at Cone 1 to Cone 2 by way of Murder Bunny. Pax without a coupon, partner carry to Cone 2

    Cone 2: Assign 1 pax per block for 10 blockees; remaining pax perform Partner Merkins (10) and Carolina Dry Docks (10); plank for six

    Move to Cone 3 – pax transport half the number of blocks at Cone 2 to Cone 3 by way of Murder Bunny. Pax without a coupon, partner carry to Cone 3

    Cone 3: Assign 1 pax per block for 10 blockees; remaining pax perform Star Jumps (10) and Bonnie Blair’s (10); plank for six

    Move to Cone 4 – pax transport half the number of blocks at Cone 3 to Cone 4 by way of Murder Bunny. Pax without a coupon, partner carry to Cone 4

    Cone 4: Assign 1 pax per block for 10 blockees; remaining pax perform Mountain Climbers (10), Plank Jacks (10); plank for six

    Everyone does 10 burpees OYO

    Go backwards through the stations picking up blocks along the way. Same exercises performed at each. Mode of transportation stays the same.


    As the saying goes, “Ask 10 people their opinion on [insert anything], you’ll get 10 different answers”. I canvassed several men in F3 to provide me their opinion on “Top Tips for Leading a Workout”. Their answers were mostly similar. Intriguing. Except for the guy who wouldn’t stop talking about theme workouts!

    The most common responses:

    • If you can’t do it, don’t Q it
    • Over plan what you think you might need; have a plan and have a backup plan just in case
    • Be prepared for anything
    • The Q is not about you!

    The most confusing responses:
    – “Don’t put too much emphasis on the COT; speak your mind”
    – “the COT is more important than the workout. The Q is the ticket to speaking your mind at the end”.

    Most mindful:

    • Start and End on time
    • Keep an eye on / stay with the six (Leave no Man Behind)

    Clearly, there’s more than one way to go about leading which makes this so special. We are all different, have seen different things and come from different backgrounds. This is an extension of leadership. Everyone gets to add their own creative spin for the betterment of fellow man. In the end, nothing but respect, fist bumps and sweet sweet validation, and positive affirmation awaits.

    Go get out there and Q it!


    Asked Burrito to be my demonstrator pawn today. Only demonstrate, no need for him to do anything else. He literally cannot do anything without talking. Work in progress.

    Burrito must have been kicked out of his house – so you might find him sleeping at AOs. If you do see him sleeping, just wake him up. That worked well this morning.

    A video was made about today’s Q School — here is a preview of the bootleg version with endorsement by 2023 Hall of Famer Inductee Fred McGriff.

    Partner carries are making a comeback. At one time, they were more popular than murder bunnies; why not do both at the same time?


    There were announcements and news was shared

    Recent Backblasts

      The Cock Commander

      QIC:  Prosciutto

      Date: 08/26/2022

      PAX: 8 Seconds, Blindside, Burrito, Dundee, Lyft, Ponce, Sherlock,

      AO: Detention


      Folks, we cannot overlook the first obvious detail. 5:15am startex —


      I mean, like…. What!? in the actual, Same. Greer…. are we doin here friends? This already felt like torture.

      Worse yet, from my third residence (non-primary) Signal Mountain Chalet, I have a 25 minute drive. Translated: I wake up at 4:20am (AMIRITE!?!!?!!! WAKE AND …. SLAY SON! THIS ISN’T COLLEGE) to an alarm that says, “Bruh, I didn’t really want to be the one to tell you this, but it’s time. Wake up king 👑 .”

      So. I woke up. It felt like I fell asleep 30 minutes ago. So, we worked out basically last night and this backblast feels like it’s 24 hours late. #Cobains (obscure lexicon references are sometimes ok)

      In my not-yet-awakened stupor, I surmised that those other AOs operating on a 5:30am startex, “sissy time” – as it shall be called heretofore, aren’t doing hard things any more.

      In comparison, 5:30am now just seems… convenient. What a time to be alive.

      So, I arrive a bit early, 8 Seconds is there already and prepared with planted shovel (!!!), Burrito’s asleep in his car [his non-primary (but closest in proximity to Detention) residence is even further than mine]. I think he just squatted in the parking lot over night. Good move, that.

      The cars are rolling in. The humidity is real, y’all. Nothing relative about this. In this deep, sunken-down hole, often called a “valley”, it is brimming with moisture.

      I’m wearing the ugliest shirt I have and quite possibly the ugliest arrangement of colors on any given color palette known to man. It’s a crime and a sin what “Steve-o” put together for the Renegades in that one and only softball season. I’m embarrassed for myself. Everyone else just feels sad for me.

      “He’s gotta be color-blind, y’all”, one man said.
      Another man chimed in, “His Mom and Dad don’t love him”.
      A third, from out of nowhere said, “PENIS!”

      It was then, that I knew, it was time. Fighting through the tears and the embarrassment, the disclaimer was presented; poorly.


      Forward folds without cadence so that Burrito could say hello to everyone and ensure that he’s seen, inner thigh stretching…ohhh okay Burrito we heard you on the last one, WMH as he continues to interrupt and talk over everyone, arm circles – not the baby kind – this is a 5:15am workout – none of that sophomoric or third-grade nonsense….and scene!

      The Thang

      Mosey to start of what will become a run with merkins, which some would also affectionately refer to as a
      Merkin Mile
      25 merkins every .25 mile, with some backwards walking UP the hills

      Head over to the field to the cone set up; approximately ~15 yards apart
      Ladder with Bunnies Murdered and now Resurrected
      10 SSH at the start line every round, Incremented reps of Burpees per the round
      — Reverse Murder Bunny / Block Pull up the not-so-steep-but-noticeable-mole-hill
      Complementary # of reps in a Clean/Press to John McCain move
      — Rifle carry to start for additional rounds


      Love him or hate him, you cannot deny him and his success. It’s almost college football season, which means everyone’s excited about football. Nick Saban’s program at Alabama is one of the top programs nationally every year. It’s not by surprise, not by mistake. He has a list of values that he requires of his team, coaches, and staff.

      The first value is “Discipline”
      It states that there are two pains in life; the pain of discipline and the pain of disappointment. If you master the former, you’ll not need to concern yourself with the latter.

      Teddy Roosevelt had this to say about discipline:
      “The one quality which sets one man apart from another – the key which lifts one to every aspiration while others are caught up in the mire of mediocrity – is not talent, formal education, nor intellectual brightness – it is self-discipline. With self-discipline all things are possible. Without it, even the simplest goal can seem like the impossible dream.”

      I shared my experience this past Summer, coaching the 9 & 10 year old All-Star baseball team on Signal to a 2nd place district finish among 12 other teams (3rd in the state among 16). We had no business being there and no one expected it since our team was young; 80% 9 year old’s playing against 10 year old competition. But, no one told our team they weren’t expected to amount to much. They were only coached to practice hard, weekly; improving themselves each time they stepped out to play. They were not measured against someone else’s expectations, only their own.

      Despite their coaching, their discipline (not their talent) was what earned a higher than expected finish.

      The daily grind in the moment seems hard – impossible even, at times – but it may be more than your competitor commits to doing. It is through self-discipline that you become your only competitor and you become the standard by which others measure themselves. As TDR said it better than me, “it is the quality that sets one man apart from another”.


      • The Yankee Clipper is legendary; for a lot of things
      • Burrito’s got a great joke about comebacks – ask him about it (privately)
      • Burrito loves Limp Bizkit
      • The last two points may or may not be related
      • Cock Commander
      • Ponce tells me as we’re almost done that he thought we were to do 10 reps on the other side for the entirety of the workout. No, Ponce, it’s a ladder, not suicide. Some say he’s still out at detention right now finishing those reps. Someone please check on him around lunch time.
        As my Grandpa used to tell me, “If you’re gonna be dumb, you better be tough”
      • and that Ponce fella is tough


      AOQ Passing of the flag Monday at Detention; great job in your leadership Nordic Track. 8 Seconds is awesome and doing things right. Two great men and a well-established future for this group at Detention.

      Recent Backblasts

        Phil Collins Day – A day which will live in infamy [tribute]

        QIC:  Prosciutto

        Date: 08/19/2022

        PAX: Bernie, FNG-Headgear, Full Moon, Hurt Locker, Love Boat, Manscaper, Mr. Burns, Ricki Lake, Quackers (Respect), Roundup, Term Limit, Toe Jelly, Tube Squeeze, Uncle Joe, Weblow, Woodrider, WuzntMe, Zoosk

        AO: Hacksaw


        To start, the weather… which was spectacular; mid/high 60’s and a large volume of floating precipitation (some call it relative humidity, but what is that even, really?). When I’m in the mood to have a bit of fun, I think about RELATIVE part of relative humidity. Take this example. On occasion, you may be asked

        “How are you?” or in Soddy-Daisy, they say, “How yins bin gettin along?”… to which, your relative humidity response is, “Relatively speaking, sir/madam/it/they, we are 70%. AveryLouise-ElizabethGrace just had a tooth pulled by an orthodontist we named this morning ‘Headgear’. Our youngest, SterlinJoe MapleGlaze has really taken a liking to fishing this summer. So, relatively good”.

        — Or, how about this’n…

        Let’s say I need to buy a set of tires and am looking to see what it’d cost me for my 2003 ‘Champagne’ (Desert Sand) Honda Accord (real nice) …. the Soddy-Daisy inquiry goes like this,

        “2003 Hyundai, you sed? When you fixin’ to grow a set and buy a truck with real man attitude and knob’d tar’s, wussy boy? You even go by a boy, anyways? Not with that stupid sensible family sedan. Grow a set ‘nden come see me. Y’aint wastin’ my time no more. Also, humidity ain’t kin to no’one, what’s all that relative booshit?!”

        Relative Humidity would say: “That response seems to be 80% fair, 40% inaccurate and 11% laced with American badass. By the way, I drive a Honda, not a Hyundai.”

        I digress, this is supposed to be about the conditions; but the reader can obviously … err, how do I put this… Relate.

        YHC had anticipated rain, but alas The Steve was incorrect in its position last night, promising 60% chance of it. A big fat zero amount of precip this morning made Prosciutto 99% unhappy. YHC must’ve learned the nursery song wrong, “Rain rain come today, come back again everyday. Make our day great okay, rain rain come today.” Happiness doesn’t look to tomorrow, though, right? OOH! WAIT UNTIL THE END!

        Aside from the weather and “conditions” report. Can we talk about the sound of the traffic over dey? Seriously, I’m hoarse from over-projection in cadence and instruction. They’s too many houses up-in the Collegedale city limits. That, or Collegedale parkway is too convenient for the rural folks (who talk like the Soddy’s). It’s gotta stop.

        The grass where we laid / flopped around / sometimes just had conversation while laying around, seemed to be recently trimmed which was just great because gobs of grass down your Fabletics go nowhere but straight to one’s arsehole; couple that with the relative… ahh, you get it. That’s a gift that keeps on giving, if you ask me. But you didn’t. You want to know what we worked on? Guess what, it’s coming. And it wasn’t our feelings. Maybe, perhaps, our relative feelings?

        Foot hydration score was relatively 65 out of a total possible 99. You see, the relative scale doesn’t allow for such upper boundary readings (or lower for that matter), so you can remove the 100 and the 0 from any relative scale. They’re far-too exact. This relative stuff is just as inexact as it is inaccurate.


        1/2 mile jaunt to and around the flags, then some stretching, mid-wife noises, SSHs, 3rd Grade Exercises, WMHs, discussion on tappy-taps (wtf?), YELLING CADENCE BECAUSE OF THE TRAFFIC — CAN YOU EVEN READ THIS, IT’S SO LOUD?!

        The Thang

        Must say — was thinking this one up for a few weeks since I know the Hacksaw faithful are a demanding bunch of athletic prestige.

        Like LA Gear commercials used to say, “If you don’t come strong, you don’t come at all.”
        4 bang ladder
        Ladder to 11, like any old ladder routine, but with a pack of four exercises and a surprise on the other end. 1 and 10, 2 and 9, 3 and 8, 4 and 7… and so on.

        1 – HR Merkin, SSH, Bonnie Blair, X-Factors
        -run to the far cone-
        10 SSH and 1 Blockee (yes, just one, Zima; it’s okay this way)

        Repeat until flip flopped

        4 Jail breaks in between at YHC call


        James Oppenheimer wrote:
        “The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance, the wise man grows happiness under his feet.

        Today, you have today. Tomorrow is tomorrow. Save tomorrow’s worries for tomorrow — don’t miss out on your chance of happiness today. For today, every second, every moment today you have the choice to choose happy. Grow your happiness today (now) and happiness in the distance will find you; rain or no rain. Compound it like inflation and spread it like butter.


        On this day in 2022, Prosciutto’s Phil Collins Day Q goes on record as the greatest day in Hacksaw AO history

        Them: “This is the greatest workout we’ve ever had at Hacksaw”
        Me: “I know. Relatively speaking.”

        Even though I had to endure a one-way 26 mile drive to your land of disenchantment, I did enjoy my time. Missed a few friendly faces which would have widened my scope to yell more loudly, but I’d do that for y’all if it ever came to it. But, I’m just not sorry enough that you missed what some say was the greatest event in Hacksaw’s history. Second only to my last Q here by a few relative degrees. Most of you missed that, too. ::peace-sign::


        Iron Pax “Challenge”, Chubby’s ongoing efforts, Chinese Metal Rock concert October 2nd (see Full Moon for details)

        Recent Backblasts

          Like a flock of seagulls…

          QIC:  Prosciutto

          Date: 06/15/2022

          PAX: Mox, Jorts

          AO: Convoy


          Big moon and warm enough for a Hornets tank top from 1988 that fits like a glove


          Stretching exercises

          The Thang

          Just like the flock of seagulls… We ran


          2 Corinthians 9: 6; “The person who plants a little will have a small harvest. But, the person who plants a lot will have a big harvest.”

          A verse that I read in a devotional back in April that sticks with me each day. It talks about your decisions today and the outcome of those decisions being what you’ve sown, because whatever you plant, that is what you’ll harvest. Plant seeds of kindness? Friends are what you’ll harvest. Plant seeds of laziness or negativity, you’ll harvest bad habits and unhappiness.

          Think about the person you want to be, both today and in the future. Are the seeds you’re planting with your choices going to help you to be that person?

          Be careful with the choices you make — each one is a seed that will go to harvest one day.


          Cam Newton is really big, Mox says
          1983, 1984, 1985 all accounted for
          Original Top Gun was a terrible movie; change Jorts’ mind


          Thursday is Recycle day, don’t forget to take yours out

          Recent Backblasts

            The moon was full but there wasn’t a Full Moon and the workout was cheaper than Ducktales’ shampoo budget

            QIC:  Prosciutto

            Date: 02/16/2022

            PAX:  Blue, Cleaver, Ducktales, Dundee, Geek Squad, Hasbro, Lyft, Milkman, Ponce de Leon (Respect), Roomba, Shake N Bake, Sherlock, Starbucks

            AO: Shot House


            What if I were to tell you that the wolves didn’t howl this morning on a full moon? What If I were to tell you the disclaimer was really just a public introduction of self; almost like a really poorly written foreskinword in a fantastic adult diary novel series entitled “50 shades of Gray Ramsey”? What if you were told to bring a block, but instead, you brought a 40lb sandbag to really assert your alpha? What if a bengal and a rams really did have a contest? What if I were to tell you that the key to a positive perspective had nothing to do with what you were doing or where you are going, but where you are right now? And, what if I were to tell you that the mere thought of Dragnet’s Sergeant Joe Friday could really ratchet up a free men’s workout? 1Ladies and Gentleman, the story you’re about to hear is true. The facts have been changed to protect the innocent.

            42, relatively humid, clear until the clouds approached (warding off the wolves and witch spells), UV Index was super low (Ducktales still applied sunscreen to his fantastical dome), 100% chance of cult-related activity on the grounds of Hixson High School, one runner who apparently just runs in different directions for varying lengths of time on the track which doesn’t make sense if you just think about it”’;;;;,,:–..;;;; he went nowhere until he was gone, but where did he go? I already told you, nowhere….



            Blocks carried to the field in a circular fashion with a pretty medicine ball placed squarely in the middle of the circle (but this isn’t a cult; no way, no how)

            SSH, Forward Folds, Right Over Left, Left Over Right, 3rd Graders Exercising, Windmills (not WindMeals; very different), Arm stretching, Alpha noises, bones creaking and popping (and locking), High knees, Wide High Knees (which are high knees if you are inflexible), Smiling and laughter, as the music plays on

            The Thang

            Already in a circle, we stayed in our circle, so as not to upset the subtle ways that make our group not cult-like
            Dark Webbs
            8 exercises in 4 pairs done 2 at a time with a ratio of 1:2 starting with 12 reps and decrementing each time (but, you get it…)

            Starting at 12:24 (like I said, 1:2 ratio starting at 12), we completed the following thousands of times times; just literally could not even count

            • Merkins : Overhead Block Press (does anyone smell burgers? Starbucks maybe)
            • Jump Squats : Bonnie Blaire’s (hard count; these will soon be “Erin Jackson’s”; #stayWoke)
            • Big Boi Sit ups : American Hammers (hard count)
            • Burpees : SSH (hard count)

            We had time for 12, 11, 10, 9 and 8 round reps, respectively.

            After each round, we turned to one side of the track and did some form of cardio; but not like runner guy, he’s on a whole other level of “whoKnowsWhatHesDoing”


            Heard a quote recently, “The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance, the wise man grows happiness under his feet.”

            It seems we’re all so busy and so quick to pivot that we are looking to the next thing. Any amount of thanks or happiness in any circumstance seems to fly by, almost as if it’s a temporary or momentary moment of thanks and gratitude (yep, been there, done that, got the thing, moving on…). Many blessings last a lifetime, but how long are we thankful for them?

            Last week F3 Friday shared the quote from Al Pacino in Any Given Sunday when he talks about how football is a sport of inches, but it’s played on a field of 100 yards; that’s alot of inches (do your thing, Blue). The focus for any moment on the field and during the game, needs to be right in front of you — no more than 6″ away. A great reminder of what is important, where you should focus your time and where your happiness lies.


            I had two quotes for the COT today, Ducktales told me that I should lead with my other quote, so I did. It bombed, but Dundee was there and he gave a courtesy laugh (thanks bruv!).

            It was later made pretty clear (stay till the end for our great revelation) that there were many Baptists in the group today.

            If you’re still reading, the quote was “Waking up is only the second hardest thing in the morning” cue the Price_Is_Right.wav sound

            Like Rick Flair always like to say to the ladies he surrounds himself with,” honey, you weren’t my first, but you certainly won’t be my last!” – I tell ya, that Rick … he is such a good guy! HIM STUFF!

            If there was a contest for the most awkward and difficult start of a workout, I think Shot House wins it. The stadium and track is easily a Go Ruck “Light” from the parking lot. Speaking of, Ducktales has announcements on Grow Ruck Nashville and other things.

            Now back to the revelation we made, during the prayers, we asked for any intentions or praises… no praises because “Noone’s happy about anything” as Geek Squad shared; I’m told this is very Baptist. The Presbyterian’s also would like to have a word. The Catholics aren’t unhappy, they’re just really really guilty and they’re (still) trying to figure out the whole family planning calendar.

            Always a pleasure to Q in these parts with some super committed dudes! Thanks for the opportunity Starbucks and Blue!


            Tuff Muff 3, Habitat for Humanity and other assorted 3rd F needs

            Recent Backblasts

              This ain’t Parliament but we got FUNK B’LEE DAT

              QIC: Prosciutto

              Date: 12/09/2021

              PAX: Bada Bing, Blow pop, burrito, Cankle, Friday, Gusher, Mansiere, Pediasure, Pomade, Pound Dog, Shank, Screwball, Squirt, Recycle, Yellow 5, Zima

              AO: Smackdown


              If there were any questions about the toughness of the pax on Signal Mountain, they were more than answered on this day, the 9th of December, 2021; year of our Lord. Temperatures having dipped into the bottom 30s and frost present on the grass tips could have been enough to keep the boys (nay, Men!) at bay, but it did not seem to have any effect at all.

              To set the scene, guys were showing up at 5:28, 5:29. Those who were standing there awaiting instruction were wondering if a 1 minute call would happen [spoiler: it didn’t].

              Mansiere’s over there just looking as uncomfortable as ever because his 5:30am routine has been broken, the time is not being adhered to, the disciplined machine that he is begins to show concerns and doubt of what is to come. He offers some unhanded comments about talking too much. Whatever Mansiere, Walk your fish at Food City.

              Burrito tries to goad YHC to start, he shouts things that most would think were insensitive. “Are we going to workout?”, he says. “It’s 5:30am…”, he offers… “Do you know what you’re doing?”.

              Zima, Recycle and Blow Pop, three bastions of F3 Signal Mountain, are not phased. They know what they came for and they’re here to get it.

              Bird Lover (Shank) is on time. Let it be known, let it be written and it is done.

              Gusher, Bada-Bing (he’s earned the hyphen; F3 version of the twitter check), anxiously await in their cool-down pose from their 5am jaunt.

              Pound Dog onlooking in a very judgmental-style pose.

              Yellow 5 and Screwball (aka Wait List, Roger Dorn) also stand idly by, some of the last giants still living among this ridge; shivering but kindly awaiting as well.

              Meanwhile, YHC prepares the set and the playlist with the musical accoutrement. Time is moving very fast now, well beyond 5:30am. The crowd is growing ever more restless and the Q must deliver something… anything. Now, to be fair, I’m familiar with the disclaimer; some guys are so good at this. I, however (comma for effect) am definitely unable to deliver it poignantly and succinctly. So, at this point, I deliver a stream of consciousness, all the while assuming responsibility of everyone there; I also said something about if you get hurt, I am not only to blame, but am also open for being sued in a court of law. So, I win the dumbass award and need to go to after hour tutoring with Zima to learn about how to commit things to memory better.

              The playlist begins, entitled “Funk B’lee Dat”; and it is. Even George Parliament would be proud.


              Some sequence of SSH, Mtn Climbers, High Knees, ST Merkins, Willy mays hays, forward fold, etc for blow flowing.

              Form two lines of equal length and do an Indigenous People’s Run

              The Thang

              [Stolen from a Q I did one year ago – almost exactly] – with slight variation1

              For each number of reps, perform Block Swings then the called exercise to match that same set of reps; after you finish the last set of reps, bear crawl 15 yards, then lunge back. So:

              05 Block Swings (BS)
              05 Hand Release Merkins (HRM)
              10 BS
              10 HRM
              15 BS
              15 HRM
              10 BS
              10 HRM
              05 BS
              05 HRM
              Bear Crawl
              Lunge Return
              Walk around behind the stadium bleachers and do five (05) Burpee Pull-Ups1

              This was the first round of 4 total completed.
              The other rounds were:
              Goblet Squats

              One more indigenous people’s run for a cool down and then some abdominal exercises to close out


              In the Bible, Paul shares some of his great wisdom in the sequel to his first [fire] mix tape to the Corinthians ( 2 Corinthians 12),
              ( AKA “the second epistle”,
              AKA “I’ll show them Number 2”,
              AKA “How to hit your second shot first”,
              AKA “Oops! I did it again!”,
              AKA “And another one!” (you thought DJ Khaled came up with that?, pffft)

              he writes on the topic of finding happiness in weakness in verse 10, he writes
              “that’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

              We can take solace in the fact that our God is great, his son was equally amazing. Jesus suffered the depths of suffering we cannot ever realize or even know. Our worst of times were already paid for as Jesus endured the cross. Because of this, in our weakest moments, in our weakest times, we need to feel stronger than ever. We need to understand that finding happiness in those depths is our way of honoring our God and his son in all that they did and continue to do for us.

              If you cannot take pleasure in the toughest of times, what makes you think that you’ll find pleasure in your best times? Battle through the difficulties, endure them while finding that happiness and that gratitude and give thanks to God for the difficult times. Have trust in Him that He can and will deliver resolution.


              The playlist rivaled my personal copy of Pure Funk Volume 3 that I bought on tv back in 1996. BMG Music deliveries in the mid-90’s were like Santa delivering gifts in the off-season. 12 cd’s for $0.01 = deliveries in your mailbox every day.


              This concludes the backblast.

              Recent Backblasts

                Carotid Cardio Cleanout

                QIC:  Prosciutto

                Date: 11/01/2021

                PAX: 8 Mile, Bada Bing, Blowpop, Burrito, Friday, Mansiere, Manscaper, Squirt, Zima

                AO: Convoy


                The cool, fall-like temps upon us and all of the northern signal mountain hemisphere constellations in full view. Someone mentioned the big dipper, but I was certain I was wearing shorts long enough to hide it (hmmm, maybe not); and it was dark… Probably a good time to make this note for future attendees not aware – arriving before ~5:25am at Convoy – it’s pitch black with the parking lot lights set to the off position (Burrito’s trying to save convoy on the utility bill, I suppose). Early risers and gloomers were able to appreciate the wonder of the cosmos, good thing too, because otherwise we’d be forced to actually look at one another. Eek! And I thought Halloween was behind us!

                For those attending, I tried to start us at 5:26, but the ceremonious pax vetoed that notion; “it’s not 5:30!”, Burrito insisted.

                On this, the 305th day of the year, the Catholic in me was mindful that today is an observed holy day; All Saints’ Day. Interesting fact for the day, the perhaps lesser-known “Halloween” is actually not a public holiday in the United States, Canada, or Great Britain. “Publically” or “Civically” in the sense that it is recognized, established by law, and most often provided as a day-off (for those who choose to work). Second, but perhaps not as interesting is a personal fact — in all my years at Catholic school, we were not taught formally about All Saints Day. They just said, it’s All Saints Day and you’re going to mass today (Me: “Awesome”; also me: “the gluten-free kids are gonna be so bloated after the eucharist is delivered har har har”)…. So, to wikipedia I went to learn about that which was never taught to the Catholic school children; tuition aside, wikipedia delivers as usual.

                This day in history notes that in 1966 the NFL awarded New Orleans with a football franchise. The team was named the ‘Saints’ for whatever reason. Were the ‘Pelicans’ already taken?

                Who is bored of this section of the backblast right now? Boy this is awful. Should I continue this mid-morning post coffee induced rambling or talk about how we should look to Detroit as the city planning tutorial for cities looking to improve value in one night every year? Yeah, that…


                Not so much a ‘circle of pain’, but mostly stretching with midwife noises. Also some runner stretches foreshadowing the upcoming plan. It was at this point that we all were very certain that Burrito had arrived and he was well. For this, we were grateful.

                Post stretching and lighthearted commentary behind us, we mosey’d to the hill in the position ahead of the high school entrance.

                Elevens were called, Squat Jumps and Burpees; After 3 rounds ( 10:1, 9:2, 8:3), bernie sanders up the hill and then up to the track for the main thang.

                The Thang

                Cardiac Arrest Combatant
                Remain in motion throughout these exercises but keep together for the benefit of team

                400m Run
                40 SSH / 30 High Knee / 20 Mtn Climbers / 10 HR merkins
                — 45 second Wall sit / Smurfjacks IC / 45 second wall sit

                800m Run
                40 SSH / 30 High Knee / 20 Mtn Climbers / 10 HR merkins
                — 45 second Wall sit / Smurfjacks IC

                400m Run with indigenous peoples mindset
                40 SSH / 30 High Knee / 20 Mtn Climbers / 10 HR merkins

                Return to position at top of original place of Elevens
                Complete two more rounds of 11’s (6:5 & 5:6)

                Head to startex for Seven Minutes of Mary Three’s (editor’s note: there were only 4 minutes of mary three’s); Army Rope Climbs, American Hammers – Slow edition, Flutter Kicks with Recycle’s Army cadence


                Inky Johnson podcast with his mentor talked about the process of achieving goals. The goal can sometimes be a guide post, but after you reach and attain those goals it is very easy to say, “Ok! I’ve reached my goal! I’ve done it.” — and quit. Sad, but true. Couch to Half Marathoner’s can unite on this experience. Their love for pinterest guides to get them off the couch, only to return to the couch afterwards is a recipe for disaster.

                Set up habits and systems. Daily rituals and tasks to constantly refine and hone in on what you hope to eventually be, or become. Think of the carrot and the donkey. Keep the goal just out of your reach, always moving and adjusting your target further and further as you improve. Never allow yourself to actually achieve the goal, but only continue to reach for it and this is how you’ll improve daily. Does the farmer quit when he reaches harvest? What does the farmer do in the days after harvest?

                Find joy and appreciation in the act of improving each day and the momentum you maintain. If you are testing yourself and those tests lead to eventual wins -or- losses, make it a point to place less emphasis on the outcome of the ‘tests’, but instead cherish the value of your effort and rejoice in the opportunity and the blessing to constantly work towards an unattainable perfection. Hard work is just that, hard work.


                • Detroit citizens burn their city down annually; like a real-life purge of drug real estate
                • 8 Mile’s famous ‘snow camp’ story is longer than 4 minutes worth of dialogue
                • Rocky 4, that’s the joke”, is (still) a hilarious joke
                • 1600m record at Signal Mtn High is 4:27″, Burrito scoffed (don’t ask him about the shotput distance record, unless you’re ready for a full onslaught of shotput facts that are super interesting and relatively unknown to 99% of humanity)


                Thanksgiving convergence and gobbler race is upcoming. Details in slack.

                Recent Backblasts

                  Murder Bunnies Communicate Swiftly and Non-Verbally; THEY WILL END YOUR ASS

                  QIC:  Prosciutto

                  Date: 07/06/2021

                  PAX: Zima, Yellow 5, Whittler, Warlord, The Count, Red Raider, Recycle, Pound Dog, Pediasure, Old School, Mansiere, Manscaper, Jorts, Holy Kiss, Gusher, Friday, Croc Doc, Catfish, Burrito, Blow Pop, A-A-Ron

                  AO: SmackDown


                  An illustrious morning illuminated by the moon’s obvious crescent, PAX exuberance and candor, and a third thing which I shall leave blank here only for the purpose of having a tertiary item in a list of things; for anything in a trinity must be fantastical and pure;;; book-ended by multiple (3) semi-colons only to annotate such ;;;perfection;. ;;Opinions were provided freely -that which may or may not have been indicative of the group’s general consensus – but nevertheless, they were accepted. Feelings were not hurt because collectively we chose not to feel those feelings today; despite the conjuring that slow-dance R&B may incite for a man in his mid-40s considering life’s missteps and about what could have been in grade school whilst attending a mixed-gender school sanctioned extracurricular event in the late 90s (note: goes without saying, this reference only applied for those ambitious enough to attend a school with more than one gender – he or she). I’m certain I missed a semi-colon in that last sentence amid the run-on blathering; but here we are, alive and well to tell of the stories that we once knew with a nod to the future in how we can improve.

                  Some would say there were too many in attendance this morning, but based on what I saw – nothing could be further from the truth. The number was nice enough to compliment a larger aggregate, which could be flipped and turnt upside down and would still be nice. It felt nice, it looked nice, it was nice nice nice. Simpatico, grazie!

                  Of course, we couldn’t move forward with the events without some sort of notice of inherent risk, pronounced both broadly and ineffectively seemingly without any direction or purpose. You see, I was more wrapped up in sharing neat facts on “This day in History” than to keep the people I hold dearest to my heart safe in the gloom; so excited, that I almost prematurely spewed facts without making the pax work for it. So, words were used in the “disclaimer” that do not appear in any formal F3 disclaimer written regarding personal safety. What was said certainly was not legally abdicating, nor was it sensible by any means, nor was it even coherent. My poor1 attempt had been a failure, but it was to no one’s fault but my own. After an appropriate haranguing by the PAX within earshot, little was left to do than to just get on with it. And so we went forth as things could not get worse from here.

                  1 understatement


                  Circle around the flag and proceed with a standard COP (10x of everything)
                  FWD Fold
                  ST Merkins
                  Plank Jacks
                  Mtn Climbers
                  SSH (again)

                  The Thang

                  Remaining in the Circle of Trust position, Old Glory as the center, exercises were suggested for all to complete; once all are complete, murder bunny from your position to the flag and back as penance for completion;; ;wait;; for six

                  Air Squats (50)
                  BBSUs (40)
                  Merkins (30)
                  Bonnie Blaire’s (20)
                  Burpees (10)

                  **After round, grab block and lunge with block to the nearest track side and back

                  Repeat 50-40-30-20-10, MB to and from and then wait for six

                  Block Webbs (1:4 ratio)
                  Merkins & Curls; 1-5 and back down to 1
                  Sprint to far track side and back

                  Repeat above backwards 10-20-30-40-50, MB to and from and then wait for six



                  I recently read that a couple of pimps in the psychology research world in 1967 conducted studies around the importance of non-verbal speech. It was from their rad discovery that we have the ridiculous theory that all communication is 90% non-verbal. Dumb. The study found that 55% of communication is body language, 38% was tone and the remaining 7% are the actual words used. While this study was not intended to say that it applied to every specific instance, it is worth considering that what we communicate often times has much less to do with what words we use, but the way in which we convey them. Our words are powerful, they can be used as a weapon or as a critical tool or in positive/encouraging ways.

                  The challenge for the pax today was simply to choose your words, the way you say them (and the timing) wisely.


                  “What do we do when we’re finished? (with everything)” x6
                  – Not Burrito

                  “This is the worst playlist ever”
                  – Probably Burrito

                  “This is the best playlist ever”
                  – Not Burrito

                  “Good thing this isn’t a themed workout, like some others that have happened” (side-eye)
                  -Not Burrito

                  “Ned Beatty played the robot in Rocky IV” (which was loosely debated as to whether it occurred or not; if you’ve been following along… yes, again)
                  – Not Burrito

                  Step Brother’s references and associated humor

                  This day in history:

                  • 1495 – Charles VIII defeats the Holy League at the Battle of Fornovo – the First Italian War (poured one out for our homies)
                  • 1779 – The Battle of Grenada; happened.
                  • 1933 – The first MLB All-Star Game was played at Comiskey Park (The National League won 4-2)
                  • 1944 – Jackie Robinson refuses to sit in the back of the bus

                  Notable birthday’s

                  • Ned Beatty (Actor)
                  • George W. Bush (“American Businessman and Politician”; Wikipedia’s Woke AF right now)
                  • 50 Cent ($$)
                  • Manny Machado (Dominican Republic Entertainment Laborer)


                  The q-schedule is written and posted. There are posts pinned in slack. If you’re not on slack, you’re probably not reading this right now. Today was Nice, Twitter said so.

                  Recent Backblasts

                    The Bunnies and the B’s, Listen and you’ll See

                    QIC:  Prosciutto

                    Date: 05/06/2021

                    PAX: Bumblebee, Burrito (sigh), Catfish, Curd, Gusher, Holy Kiss, Jorts, Laces, Out, Mansiere, Old School, Pediasure, Pomade, Pound Dog, Recycle, Red Raider, Shank, Snow Patrol, Truck Stop, Zima

                    AO: Mountain Fancy


                    Brisk, cool, fine mountain ayyerrr. Funny thing…,,;; if it rained the day before, you never would have known it; dry as a bone. The parking lot was patched in places where the potholes previously existed; sorta ;;; …,with fresh asphalt. Oddly enough, the holes seemed more pronounced than before (that’s not a particular dig at Burrito’s Mom; she is a kind lass, I’ve met her and Mother’s day is upon us after all); and speaking of, nothing was mentioned about Mother’s Day. In fact, more was said about Cinco De Mayo on the Seis de Mayo. So we were still on that topic this morning. Some had too much celebration, some had none;;;

                    [serious question] why is it that non-Latino folks go harder on Cinco de Mayo than people of actual Mexican origin? Same goes for St. Patrick’s day. Confusing… just let the Micks and the Mexicans have their time to shine. What’s with this world where everyone is about everyone else’s history and being in their business? I’d bet that the guy raging on 5-May is also the same guy that was pounding chests and raising fists when Trump was talking about a separating wall between the two countries;; just a guess though. And furthermore, is anyone throwing down on July 4th outside of America yet on behalf of the US and A!? England (nope.)? France (nope. bend over)? I assume not, but with the way people are on 5-May, who knows? Mother’s know. Their day is celebrated by going out to eat. Restaurants don’t celebrate Mother’s day.

                    Just wait until St. Francis of Assisi day comes….all I’m gonna say. Romans really know how to let it rip…

                    Where was I?? Oh yes, people showed up, we talked about the rules of adult recess, the obvious circumstances before us regarding darkness and uncertainty of your future and not being responsible for anything and the odd choices you made. I may have missed the part about not being a professional, but no one balked at that omission;;; and that’s likely because everything seemed unprofessional up until that point;”;”; kind of like a VQ. Real warm & fuzzy stuff. People were appalled at how bad I was at all the ceremonious things I misremember. I’m still new at this. But you’ll be able to determine that in a few more lines of text.

                    Final note on conditions – the lawnmower and/or facilities manager (who has accosted me on at least one occasion) appear to have “bought the farm.” Either that or he/she/they/they’re/their/there/them/them’s/all y’all/yins sleeping on the job. Two more weeks left unattended and they’ll be able to hack, lay and hay this field. Not it!!!! Ask Fissure what he thinks about haying. In South Pittsburgh with Mike. In the heat. Naked (no no, just kidding; he was wearing some Clemson-Tech gear and boat shoes prob; 63-17 Go Tigers).

                    In an unceremonious -yet ceremonious – way and due to the shut down in the facilities department, there will be a stated ‘Feet Dryness’ scale (FDS) at intervals throughout the backblast in accordance to certain times in the workout when YHC took special notice of extremities.


                    I blacked out and don’t remember much (too much 5-May), but there was a 5 burpee penalty at one point because the cadence from the pax was something awful. Stretching and gyration and arm movements in combination with cardiovascular motions that excite the love muscles were employed and completed. The burpee penalty, while annoying, did not seem to affect the cadence response from the pax. Like I said, unprofessional, unprepared, VQ in effect here.

                    On the ‘Feet Dryness’ scale (FDS), our feet were dryer than a preheated oven waiting on some Bruschetta.

                    The Thang

                    Grab a block, line up and meet at the goal line
                    The Sick and Twisted Catch me if you Can
                    PAX were assigned their partner based on their immediate proximity in the line

                    Each pax has a block
                    First Pax (P1) Rifle Carries the Block while lunging toward opposite goal line
                    — 1 blockee at every 5th (Mountain Count) Lunge then continue the lunging until P2 arrives.
                    Partner Pax (P2) completes 5 blockees and then Murder Bunny’s to P1.

                    At the exchange, P1 Rifle Carries his block and walks back to the starting goal line to do his set of 5 blockees; P2 picks up where P1 left off with lunges and blockee’s down field.

                    *This had to be explained twice for the reverend, attorney and McCallie graduate (who happen to all be the same person); so you know it had to be good.

                    — Whence P1 and P2 arrive at opposing goal line, together they jail break to start and back (no blocks this time); Plank & hold for six.

                    10 Tempo Merkins were done all together; two more jail breaks with the group and then pax repeated the above to return back to start

                    FDS update: feet felt like that cottonmouth feeling after 5 solid bong hits and three-fourths pack of Lance Peanut Butter Crackers; without a beverage to wash it down. Medium dryness.

                    Plenty of time remaining, PAX grabbed their block and headed to the long stretch of track to find medium-sized cones stretched vertically 10 yards apart as well as another workout group; NEWS TEAM ASSEMBLE!!!

                    Killer B’s

                    Broad Jump to first Cone; 10 Burpees, 10 Bonnie Blaire (Mountain Count), 10 BBSU
                    Broad Jump to second Cone; 10 Burpees, 10 Bonnie Blaire (Mountain Count), 10 BBSU
                    Broad Jump to third Cone; 10 Burpees, 10 Bonnie Blaire (Mountain Count), 10 BBSU
                    (Bear crawl back to start)

                    *Cone is capitalized here because medium-sized Cones deserve their time in the spotlight, too

                    FDS note: Like a Chinchilla in a sand bath in south Phoenix in July.

                    Circle up for 1 minute abs. Very nice!


                    “If you reject discipline, you only harm yourself; but if you listen to correction, you grow in understanding.” — Proverbs 15:32

                    I picked out two things in context here.

                    One, it’s true, discipline in anything (I could think of) is a positive. Indiscipline is a slippery slope. Of course there are some exceptions.

                    For me discipline in reading or journaling through the word daily keeps me correct, keeps me centered and helps me maintain perspective on all things. A tough conversation at work or difficult situation that comes to pass is all the more easier to handle in a balanced life with a mindset with perspective.

                    The second component of the verse mentions listening to correction as there is growth in understanding. Speaking of difficult conversations- here’s a hard truth – we are not always right.

                    In fact, we are wrong… a lot.

                    I learned quite some time ago that “the quickest way to the right answer is to say the wrong one.” In listening to that correction and fully understanding that correction, growth occurs.


                    At Smackdown, we like to conjecture on scales, readings, theorems, scientific considerations, or any measurements that start with the word ‘relative’. The Feet Dryness scale is really no different. Widely held as a farcical scale, one thing is certain, I was not thirsty after the workout. I attribute this to the water boarding my feet took for a solid 43 minutes. I spent more time curating the playlist for today than the workout. The playlist didn’t get the airtime I’d hoped due to a low battery in the speaker; Lesson learned. The medium-sized Cone is oft-overlooked among the cone family, especially when the grass is taller than the Cone. But it stood its ground and served a purpose today. No longer shall it feel the inadequacies akin to a workout partner with hip dysplacia. Some people said they saw a guy named Gusher today, to which I was left wondering, who’s that? Gamecock themed week is over, sadly. Today, the Georgia fans talked about how they were the last straw in Spurrier’s tenure at UofSC. Oh how they cherish Spurrier as he lives in their headspace freely even up to this day. Sic’ em… Spurrier quit because he didn’t want to face Vanderbilt the following week. You’re welcome, Mansiere. Not surprisingly, Bumblebee (Clemson grad) came and exited early, which I’m accustomed to witnessing over the last decade. I think this is standard behavior. I’m gonna go cry some more in my cheerios. Can’t wait till next year. Always next year. Cry these alligator tears with me.


                    Check smackdown channel for a well-documented administrative post from Recycle the Great.

                    Recent Backblasts