Why is the rum gone?

QIC: 9-Volt

Date: 11/02/2022

PAX: Cooter, Headgear, Escobar, Full Moon, Toe Tag, Gutterball, Love Boat…..Hell, I don’t know,  Gloom bot is broken

AO: Hacksaw


What if Elvis was cast as Cap’t Jack Sparrow and Pirates of the Caribean was a musical


PAX circles up and counts off into 1’s and 2’s
For the entirety of the beat down group 1 must talk like a pirate and group 2 must do Elvis impersonations.

SSHIn Cadence10
Willy Maze HazeIn Cadence10
SSHIn Cadence10
Forward FoldIn Cadence
(As God intended)
SSHIn Cadence10
WindmillIn Cadence10
Baby Arm Circles – FwdIn Cadence10
Baby Arm Circles – RevIn Cadence10
Seal ClapIn Cadence10
SSHIn Cadence

The Thang – The dredd pirate Elvis

PAX moseys to the library parking lot where there are two stations spaced 30 yards apart.
Station 1 is labeled “Away boarding party” and station 2 is “Viva Las Vegas” and each has a list of exercises. The PAX will perform the exercises in order then scream “Away boarding party” or “Viva Las Vegas ” while sprinting to the opposite station. All mumble chatter must be as Elvis or a pirate.

Jump Squats10Lunge10
Hand release Merkins20Big Boy Sit up20
Crab Jacks20Lounge Act20
Calf Raises50Pickle pointers20
Captain Thor (hard count)20Ground Hogs10
Carolina Dry Dock25Crab Cakes20
Little baby crunch30Frankinsteins20
Burpees10High Knees20
Monkey Humpers20Hello Dolly20
Wide arm merkins20Standing leg lift (to the side)20
Bear Crawl to other sideFlutter Kick20
Extra Credit was given for farting while performing standing leg lifts
Contestants were disqualified if they shit themselves

The proposed soundtrack for the new Elvis version of the Pirates of the Carabean was played loudly for the enjoyment of the citizens of Collegedale


“The problem is not the problem. The problem, is your attitude about the problem.
Captain Jack Sparrow


  • A pirate walked into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants. The bartender asked him “Hey buddy, why do you have a steering wheel in your pants?” The pirate said (In a piratey voice) “I don’t know, but it’s driving me nuts”
  • To err is human ut to ARRR is pirate
  • Only pirates can get away with saying “Yo…Ho”
  • I want to be a pirate but I can’t get my ship together
  • No cause is lost if there be but one fool left to fight for it
  • Why don’t pirates shower before they walk the plank? Because they’ll just wash up on shore later.
  • Why is pirating so addictive? They say once ye lose yer first hand, ye get hooked!
  • How do pirates know that they are pirates? They think, therefore they ARRRR!!!!!
  • What happened when Bluebeard fell overboard in the Red Sea?He got marooned.
  • How did the pirate get his Jolly Roger so cheaply? He bought it on sail.
  • What has 8 legs, 8 arms, and 8 eyes? 8 pirates.
  • What does a dyslexic pirate say? RRRRRRA!
  • Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet? Because they can spend years at C
  • How much did the pirate pay for his peg and hook? An arm and a leg.
  • How do pirates prefer to communicate? Aye to aye!
  • How do ye turn a pirate furious? Take away the “p.”
  • What does a vegan pirate do in jail? Starrrrrve!
  • What’s a pirate’s favorite type of exercise? The plank!
  • What did the pirate say when he became an octogenarian? Aye matey years old!
  • What did the first mate see down the toilet?  The Captains log
  • Why do pirates bury their treasure 18 inches under the ground?  Because booty is only shin deep!
  • What do you call a stupid pirate?  The pillage idiot!
  • Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the waves, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded by a pirate ship. As the crew became frantic, the captain bellowed to his First Mate, “Bring me my red shirt!” The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain’s red shirt, which the captain put on and led the crew to battle the pirate boarding party. Although some casualties occurred among the crew, the pirates were repelled. Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending boarding parties. The crew cowered in fear, but the captain, calm as ever, bellowed, “Bring me my red shirt!” Once again the battle was on. However, the Captain and his crew repelled both boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred. Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day’s occurrences when an ensign looked to the Captain and asked, “Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?” The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, exhorted, “If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the wound and thus, you men will continue to fight unafraid.” The men sat in silence marvelling at the courage of such a man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, “Bring me my brown pants!”


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