Did I ever tell you about the time a transvestite stole all our stuff at the Landfill?

QIC:  Sunburn

Date: 01/18/2020

PAX: Pink Panther, Money Ball, Radiohead, Skitch, Prosciutto, Fissure, Uncle Fester, Fly By, Gusher

AO: Landfill


A little cold but the wind died down, we beat the rain and it didn’t take too long to warm up.


Forward Fold, Morning Stretch, 3rd Grade excersise. Calf Stretch, Slow Merkins, Little Baby arm circles, forward and backward. Carolina Dry Dock, Upward Dog, Downward Dog etc. Mosey downt to the bottom gate.

The Thang

Mountain Climb – Slow & Steady
Be serious-Do you think anyone is reading this? I think everyone is scrolling to the bottom to here the story of the transvestite who stole our stuff.

Starting at the bottom of the hill, leg kick toe toaches to 2nd pole. Lunges to 5th pole then Bernie Sanders up to last pole. 5 Burpee’s. Repeat sequence up to next level.

High Plank, low plank, merkins, Carolina Dry Docks, Air Squats.

Repeat sequence of toe kicks, lunges and Brenie Sanders around dog park.

Suicides in parking lot. – 10 Burpees run to opposite end and 1 Air Squat, Run back and 9 Burpees, 2 Air Squats. Etc. Etc until you’ve finished 1 Burpee and 10 Air Squats.

Mosey back up to main parking lot. LBC’s, Planks High/Low etc.

Merkin Countdown: 10 merkins, run around end of lot and 9 Merkins etc. etc.

This is when all hell broke loose.


I have no idea what went on during the COT. Fissure, Money Ball and I were out fighting crime. I think Skitch led it and prayed for the safe return of our stuff (This prayer was answered in 10 minutes)


Just your typical day at the Landfill.

Thank God Radiohead had a BM or we may not be here today, well at least a few phones, jackets and car keys.

Here we are just doing our thang and Radiohead comes walking out of the bathroom post BM saying “I hope you didn’t leave stuff up there on the picnic tables. Someone just drove off with a bunch of stuff, he kind of looked like a transvestite.” Our first reaction was to run up and check our stuff becasue who these days doesn’t leave their phones, car keys and sweatshirts unattended in a public park while working out a half mile down the hill. Still no reaction to the words “he kind of looked like a transvestite”. I could only think of my new I-phone and now regretting not buying the insurance. The police were called as we stood around in disbelief that some had no way to get home because their keys were stolen, some of us were in despair that our phones were now gone and my whole worklife is on that thing and I had a busy day a head of me, while others were now shivering because they no long had a sweatshirt to keep them warm.

It was a this point our resident technoweenie Prosciutto reminds us that our phones can be tracked. Immediatly Fissure calls mama at home to find his phone and me, (Sunburn) calls son, (Ascot) to track mine. He and the daughter in law had just downloaded some find your friend app so they could keep track of us. Well Ascot wasn’t answering but we took the locaiton given by Mrs. Fissure and Sunburn and Fissure took off in pursuit to locate the perv….I mean perp.

Fissure and I figured out which way to go and ran into a Red Bank Police officer who had someone pulled over but ends up wrong person. Meanwhile Money Ball shows up in his fancy new F150 with Ascot blowing his phone up with my phone location. I commence to call Ascot who is totally confused but I tell him don’t ask questions just direct us. So like the obedient child he’s always been Ascot directs us to the location my phone is pinging and we come around the corner to see the light colored Ford SUV as discribed by Radiohead post BM.

We go charging up the hill with Money Ball behind us in his fancy new F150 and slide in sideways blocking the driveway and we jump out like Crockett and Tubbs chasing smugglers and that’s when Radioheads words come back to me, “he kind of looked like a transvestite” Yes folks, there she was in all her glory, pink dress, blue eye shadow, red lips and harry arms. At first we thought it was Red Tees but then we realized Red Tees has much nicer skin. We must of scared the perp becasue she immediatly stretched out her hands with the loot and said she came back to call the cops becasue she thought someone would be missing them and maybe someone left them there overnight.

We called the cops who apparently don’t know their own streets becuse I had to walk down to Dayton Blvd and flag them down as they were looking for us. We chose not to press charges, a police report was made and we returned with our phones, keys and sweatshirts to live another day. This my friends is how F3 lore is made.

As we returned and told our war stories with the remaining PAX at the AO Skitch had the best question of the day, “Did you invite him to F3?” Remember PAX, always be recruiting. F3 is a men’s workout group, with the mission to plant, grow and serve small workout groups for the invigoration of male community leadership. Leadership by many this morning led us to reunite with our possessions. Never take anything for granted. I’m sure the rest of the PAX from todays workout did the same as I did. We went home, we hugged our loved ones and held them in a long embrace with tears in our eyes and telling them how much we love and appreciate them. Be safe out there friends, appreciate what and who you have in your life, but most of all, DON’T LEAVE YOUR STUFF ON A PICNIC TABLE IN A PUBLIC PARK! this time it was a transvestite, next time it could be a unicorn.


Nothing to report here.

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