Rihanna Appreciation Day

QIC:  WuzntMe

Date: 05/21/2021

PAX: Escobar, Uncle Joe, Top ‘Em, Zima, Toe Tag, Mayhem, 9Volt, El Chapo, Woodrider, Oui Oui, Seagull, AOL, Picabo, Point Break, Bernie

AO: Hacksaw


A nice, cool morning… for a regretful situation and a joke that went just a little too far.


Took a lap around the church parking lot, then 33 SSH. Then got down to brass tacks. To the amazing musical poetry otherwise known as “Umbrella,” PAX were introduced to RiRi’s Appreciation Day. While Jay-Z prattles on about, well, whatever Jay-Z “raps” about, PAX did plank jacks. Every time RiRi mentions her rain-deflection device, pax did a burpee. Everytime she describes it as an “ella” or “aaaaay”, it’s a donkey kick. Every time our Bahamian princess mentions rain, PAX did a dive bomber.

The Thang

Pax counted off by fours. Then split into said groups.
Group 1:
Find Love in a Hill-less Place (run to the bottom of the Increased Gravity Zone, find the heart scrawled in chalk, turn around and run to the top of the not-hill)
Group 2:
S(quats) & M(erkins)– 10 squats, 20 Merkins. Focus on form. Repeat ad infinitum.
Group 3:
Rude Boys (gone get it up, I believe) – 10 BBS, 20 LBCs, 30 Flutters. Repeat.
Group 4:
Only Curls in the World– 10 shoulder presses, 20 curls, 10 dips. Repeat until pace group returns.

Groups rotate once hill has been summitted by entirety of the group. Pax then offered another Rihanna fun fact, rinse, repeat x 8.

Circle up.
Shine Bright Like a…
Everytime she says Diamond, do a diamond merkin. Song is much longer than you’d expect, and despite the vast lyrical talents of Katy Perry’s maid of honor, she repeats the word Diamond close to 40 times.


Rihanna Appreciation Day started off as a joke between 9Volt and myself when he played one of her songs at his Q. But merely speaking that into existence turned into an actual thing, and then, well, it happened. What we choose to embrace in our lives is no different. What we praise, and likewise, defame, manifests itself into reality. If you complain about your wife, or your kids, or your job, you will grow to resent them. If you choose to praise, speak positively about them, etc., your love for them will grow. YHC challenged the boys to speak positively about their lives, and to manifest decency.


Of all Rihanna fun facts, PAX favorite was “Umbrella was her first hit, while ex-boyfriend Chris Brown’s biggest hit was, actually, Rihanna.” One pax, who will remain nameless, remarked, “Oh, now I know who she is!” insert BunkMorelandHeadshake.gif

PAX were also astonished to learn that Rihanna didn’t graduate high school. Shocker, that.

Oui Oui expressed disbelief that Rihanna cannot blink. He is still scouring the internet for proof that she can, in GIF form. Godspeed, soldier.

Toe Tag had never heard the lyrics to S&M (“this might be pornography in song form, Wuz”), and we all felt a little ashamed for having played it in a church parking lot. Or for having played it at all, really.

9Volt wears a pair of ‘shorts’ that, while an affront to American iconography, he gleefully admitted “used to be just underwear.” Mentors, ladies and gentlemen.


Memorial Day convergence. Mustaches mandatory, sleeves optional.

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